My Battle With The Mind

I don't know if you realize this or not, but we all  battle with our minds.  It's a continuous fight between good and evil, right and wrong. I myself battle with unworthiness. I know that scripture tells me I have the mind of Christ and through that I can know all things. That Jesus was chastised for my peace and well-being [Isaiah 53:5] That Jesus is (Himself) my peace [Ephesians 2:14] However, knowing that and actually feeling that are two very different things. I have come along way since my first blog. I have reach highs and I have reach lows. At times, remembering has been a difficult thing to share and scary too.

I battle with unworthiness because I expect myself to be perfect before my God, and when I share my opinions with you I want to be honest and earn your trust. My battle is my own struggle...well not my own, it's mine and God's. You see He is still working on me and daily as I try to walk in His path of righteousness, I realize and understand the scripture "My righteousness is like filthy rags." For only Jesus' righteousness is what I yearn to attain, and it is a goal I've not reached. You see that's my battle...because I shall never reach it and the reason for that is because Jesus is already my righteousness! That's why Jesus says My grace is sufficient.

So then why do I battle with my mind? Because I know that there is so much more out there for me to do for Him, but my flesh is still weak. I respect my Heavenly Father so much, that I am not worthy to do His perfect Will for Him. Yes I have His grace, but I still  willingly sin, I hate myself for sinning , but still proceed to sin. How can I explain this...help me Lord? I know that drinking too much to where you are drunk is wrong. Yet most Saturday nights I partake in to much drink. Most Saturday nights my husband and I sit at home and listen to music and relax by drinking some beer. How can I be used of God if I myself can not resist the lust of a good buzz. How can He move through me...even worse... I make Him a partaker in this awful sin. How you say? Because His Holy Spirit dwells within me, therefore I grieve His Spirit when I do these things.

Yet all through the week, I hear the needs of others, and my first reaction is to pray for them and ask God to answer my prayers...but why should He? I know that if I resist the devil he must flee. I know I wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. That I have the power over serpents and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy and nothing shall by any means hurt me. I will use those words for everyone else,and believe(have faith) that God will do it but, will I use them to help me...I have but sadly I go back and do it again so the answer is... NO! What is God to do with someone like me?

I can use excuses that I've been sexually abused, rejected, raped, but that is not the reason. The truth is my flash is weak...the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I tell you these things because I want you to understand I hate fake people. And the last thing I want is for someone to think I am trying to pretend to be something I'm not!! I will always be real with you, whether it be good or bad, I want you to know that I will always speak truth. I guess I'm asking you to trust this sinner, although I know I do not deserve it.

Back to my battle...in the bible it says in Galatians 5:19-21 [Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these;Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, sedition's, heresies, Envying, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such likes: as I have told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.] That my friends is a command and the manifestations of a fleshly life: that will damn the soul. I love the Lord my God with all my heart and all my soul and all my mind...He knows I do, yet I can not stop partaking in alcohol at least one night a week. I have no desire to drink anytime but with my husband on Saturday night. This messes with my mind!! Am I saved? Will I go to heaven? Will I be in the rapture? All these things go through my mind constantly. You would think that if it bothers me that bad I'd just stop, right? Wrong!!

So I continue asking for forgiveness, but doesn't true repentance mean turning away from that sin? YES! So therefore I must not be truly repentant... yet I am! All I know to do at this point in my life is to continue to fight the good fight, and not give up. To claim   2 Corinthians 3:4 [For though we walk (live) in the flesh, we are not carrying on our warfare according to the flesh and using mere human weapons.For the weapons of our warfare are not physical(weapons of flesh and blood), but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds.] And that is what I am battling...a STRONGHOLD!

I just felt the need to share with you my flaws. Why, you might say to yourself must she have such a need to share something that is really nobodies business but her own? You see I don't want you to think I'm a hypocrite...yet I am... I guess we all are at one time or another!! However, I would die for my Lord before I would deny Him, but I AM still a work in progress. I have faith that one day I will overcome this stronghold. However I know it will come NOT by might, nor by power, but by My (Gods)  Spirit, says the Lords of Hosts.

Recently our President just went on record supporting the marriage of homosexuals. I want to make one thing perfectly clear, although I do not agree with our President, I do not see one sin any different than another sin with the exception of the unpardonable one which is to deny Jesus Christ. With that being said, I do think it is one thing to partake in a sin,  but it's another thing to willingly condone it. I do not condone my actions but that is between me and God, however when we allow our country to adapt and knowingly accept marriage between same sex individuals, it's like saying that this is not a sin in the sight of God and once more we as a nation become more desensitized to yet another of what God calls the works of the flesh. I just want to make it clear that God tells us to love all people and to go forth to all nations baptizing in the name of the Father,Son and Holy Spirit...but He also tell us that although we are in this world we are not to be of this world!!

Thus , this is MY problem...the battle with my mind...MY stronghold is not another persons stronghold. However, when a nation takes the stronghold out of the individuals decision and makes it a civil rights issue instead of a moral issue and says it's alright, I take offense and worry about this once great nation.

I am a sinner saved by grace, but just because a country makes a sin acceptable doesn't mean God does too!!!

May my Heavenly Father have mercy on me and may He have mercy on our country!! God's Word says "confess your faults one to another, that you might be healed"...may this be the start to my healing, one can only hope.