As I have revealed these horrific life changing events in my life, I have found that it has left me depleted. People have commented that I am strong...I am not! They say I have guts...it's a ruse. You see I'm neither strong or gutsy, I am a survivor! A survivor trying to climb out of the depth of despair. Trying to make sense of this legacy that has kept me from being completely set free. When a person thinks of the word legacy what comes to mind is personal property, money or valuables handed down from an ancestor, something to be proud of. However all I think about is an earlier era in time, that all to often comes creeping back into my mind. This is not the legacy I want to hand down to my children. So with the Lords help and guidance may the memories that have held me captive in the recess' of my mind eventually become one of triumph!
Lately I have found myself surrounded by news of sexual abuse. It's alarming how much of it goes on, but what is most alarming is how others choose to ignore it. What the hell is wrong with the human race? Have we become so disinterested in others that we turn a blind eye when we notice something that is just plain wrong? Are we so desensitized that we just don't care? We not only have strangers, but ministers, teachers, counselors and yes, even parents in the grips of a depraved mind. People hurting people, adults hurting children while others watch and do nothing. Oh, they may report it, but do they follow through? Sadly the answer is usually not!
Do any of you have any idea of what a child/person goes through when they have been assaulted? You can never get back your innocence, the feeling of safety, the peaceful sleep much less peace of mind. Your wholesomeness is gone not to mention your trust. You try to push it to the back of your mind in the hopes that it will quietly go away, but it's always there. All it takes is a news story, a smell, a forlorn look on a child/person face that is so identifiable because you been there, you know it, you feel it, you lived it!
There are so many people crying inside, hurting to their very core. Wounds that are still so fresh, yet the abuse happened years ago. People whom are still ashamed to come forward, either for fear of rebuke from family members or fear from the rebuke of society. We have nothing to be ashamed of. YOU have nothing to be ashamed of. You were unwilling participants that were brain washed into thinking you were willing. Lies, all lies that have held us captive for far too long. We've been held in the bondage of our abusers long enough. Is there hope for us? Can we break the shackles that hold us down?
I believe we can be loosened from these shackles of bondage. It doesn't happen over night and it certainly is a process, but it can be done. I'm not going to tell you that those experiences will leave your memory, but it can be tolerated and even livable. It takes time and a willing heart, but most of all it takes God to help you through this process.
By now those of you who have been reading my blogs know I am a Christian, a believer in Jesus Christ. If you truly seek Him, He will come to you. And YOU whom have just read this and don't believe there is a God. What's it going to hurt to just open your mind to the possibility for just a few minutes or even a few days and ask Him to reveal Himself to you. If you remain TRULY OPEN He will not disappoint you. After all if you truly believe there is no such thing as God, then what do you have to lose? Just go to your bible or if you do not have one borrow one and look up these scriptures.
St.Matthew: Chapter 7 verse 7 and 8 [Ask and it shall be given you; seek and ye shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asks receives; and he that seeks finds and to him that knocks it shall be opened].
Then once you have received Jesus go to the book of St.John: Chapter 8 verse 32 [And ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free] and verse 36 of the same chapter [If the Son (Jesus) therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed].
Jesus also teaches in St. Luke Chapter 4 verse 18 [The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he has sent me to heal the broken-hearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised].
St. John 3:16 [for God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that who so ever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life].
I encourage you to comment, I would love to read your thoughts.
Thank you for posting, Debbie. My girlfriend was a victim at an early age in life, and certain things still bother her to this day (like your story of Lassie, she hates certain things because they remind her of those bad times).
ReplyDeleteJim G
Yes, there a many things that can "trigger" the experiences that we have gone through. At times I feel I'm much stronger and then something will occur that brings the memories rushing back. However, I am convinced that my walk with the Lord has gotten much farther than at times I even give Him credit for. Thank you for your comments and just know that I will pray for your girfriend. I pray that if she reads these blogs, that she will come to realize that by sharing we release the hold that keeps us victimized. God bless you both.
DeleteIt's not easy becoming whole when we've been shattered. I know what it's like at some level. I've been shattered time and again in various settings - though none as difficult as yours. I support you and am very honored that you would share your journey!
ReplyDeleteAlthough it's a journey not easily traveled, the Lord gives me strenght to continue on this path. I am grateful that I can share this journey with you and just now my friend that your support means more to me than words can ever express.
DeleteDebbie....How lucky we are to have your voice in this mission to shed light on the issue of abuse and violence. It is a long road back, one that I am still traveling. Take care of yourself first when you feel depleted, this is a deep emotional wound that takes lots of time and love. And I don't know if I would agree with your assessment of not being strong as you seem like quite a force to be reckoned with, and again, what a gift you are!
ReplyDeleteThank you Little L for your on going encouragement and love. At times I don't feel very lucky, but people like you keep me going and of course my Savior. The day I wrote that was an emotional one. I became so hurt when I hear a distrubing story on the news...it's as if it was happening to me all over again and why couldn't someone have stop it before it happened! Either way, it touches me deeply. I feel you are the gift and I am grateful to have you in my life.
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