Just when I think I have overcome ... the shadows start creeping back into my mind. YES, I have experienced a trigger that has my mind racing. The type that take you down to ground level, and it has me shadow boxing AGAIN! You know the one? It causes the " what ifs", the" how comes" and "whys". At times I feel so strong and then the shadows of a time past come flooding my brain. I wish I was a person free from my past. I try, and at times I think I succeed. Then... the shadows come back and I realize I'm living in a fog. A fog I keep trying to get out of. I feel all is well, and then suddenly I see that little girl still trying to escape her past. I'm going to confess something...I LIVE IN FEAR! I fear for my grandchildren, for ALL children. I worry that I see more into situations than I should. I dissect every situation, try to read peoples intentions and basically look for monsters under the bed.
How did I get this far in life? I can't believe I'm in my late fifties and have lived all these years with such a heaviness in my being. Even as I type this, my mind tells me to stop, to keep confessing that I'm alright. That I can handle anything that comes my way. however, the truth is, I'm still that scared little girl, looking for acceptance and love. Still expecting that childhood dream of the mystical knight in shining armor to come to my rescue. An emotional rescue. I feel I need to confess that I am wounded, I do have scars from hurtful people. Some whom meant me harm and some whom did not! I cry out to God and He hears me say " I HAVE GOT TO LET IT GO!!!" "God, help me let it go." I have no answers. I trust in the Lord, I truly do. I know Jesus is my emotional rescuer! However here I am, trying to overcome the shadows... again.
I hate that I was robbed of my innocence at a young age. I hate that I made wrong decisions because of my abuse. I hate that people still cover up abuse of all kinds, but especially sexual abuse. And ... WHY, do people think about saving the abuser and not the victims!!? For an example, the recent allegations of a well known actor/icon! I'm tired of being victimized all over again! You see, that's what happens when victims hear of someone being sexually abused. We feel victimized all over again. The smells, the scenery, hurt and pain happens all over again.
I cry out to those of you whom have been mistreated by people of authority and say...YOU are not alone! We are not alone, although I know at times it feels as if we are. All I can do is pray... pray for those who have been abused.... pray for a depraved world! I'm so very very tired, tired of filling sad, tired of filling mad, but mostly I am tired of the bull shit, cover ups and sick ass people who defend the predators who pry on the innocent!!! And I'm especially tired of those whom judge others for stepping forward YEARS after their abuse has occurred. It takes time, much strength, courage and an exceptional support group, because sadly there will always skeptics.
May what is done in the dark be brought to the light and the evil be exposed.
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Hello, It's Been A While
It seems like a decade since writing a post! I've missed putting my feeling in writing. At times I feel a little inadequate to write after reading all the wonderful stuff that is out there. Some things I may be repeating, one can't remember always what one has said already. So if that's the case, my apologies in advance.
I've had several friends and family member question why I would put myself out there in writing the subjects I have written on. I am glad to say that my family has taken what I've written well, they're just sorry to know all that has happened to me as a very young girl. In all honesty I knew people who were close to me would read what I had written and I wanted them too. It was NEVER my intention to hide under a anonymous name for I knew that if I was to ever overcome my mental imagines, I was going to have to come completely clean and be very open, which included who I was.
You see I saw a broader picture than just a release from my own struggles. I saw a whole lot of people getting a release from their own demons. Sexual abuse is something a person rarely recovers completely from. I know I certainly haven't! However, I have become more at peace within myself and that speaks volumes.
Do I close my eyes at night and relive somethings? At times, YES.
Does it bring shivers down my spine and try to consume me? At times, YES!
It's so easy to allow yourself to become overwhelmed in the past, to drudge up all those negative experiences and become depressed. It's also hard when you realize that the dreams you once had for yourself will never come true. It's even harder when you realize that one of the reason they will never come true was because of the abuse you endured. Not that I'm using it as an excuse, because I know there are a lot of people out there who have gone through even worse than I have and yet made a fantastic life for themselves.
It has taken me 42 years to realize why my behaviors were so extreme. And even though people have the best of intentions, they can NEVER know unless they have been through it themselves what it feels like to be soiled, thinking you're unworthy of a quality love, although you search for it most of your life. I guess it's just in our instinct to continue to try and salvage our lives.
I hope that those out there who do know me don't think this was an attempt on my part to put shame on my family. I know some people took me wrong or maybe I just didn't make myself very clear. I do want to say that although I was an unplanned pregnancy I DO know my parents loved me. They had their own set of issues to deal with that's all. And although they aren't alive today, I still would have written on all the subjects I have written on. I had to. It was a drawing deep within me to share my experiences. I know that I have touched some with my openness and for that I am truly grateful.
Just think about this....if only we as a people could trust our inner self to just be honest, and not be fearful of what others might think, then maybe, just maybe we could live happier, healthier lives. Now I'm not saying we should go around just speaking our minds that would hurt someones feelings...that would be displeasing to God and cause more harm than good. However, I do feel that if we could share more of our lives, hurts, dreams and failures there would be others willing to do the same. For I truly believe with all my heart that there are so many hurting people out in this big ole' world that would find closure if only they had the freedom to be honest without repercussion's. Yes, WITHOUT repercussion's. It's time that we all realized we're flawed. One mans struggles may not be yours but yours are just as much of a struggle. We need to have compassion for one another and a high tolerance showing LOVE and RESPECT for each other.
I fall short myself but I strive to reach that goal. God willing and I know HE is...someday I will attain that goal. People ask me why I have to put God into everything, the simple answer to that is because HE is in everything. Every decision we make whether it be good or bad, HE is there trying to help his children as best as HE can. Remember though, HE did give us a free will and HE won't go against it. He'll try to show us, speak to us through people, places, and things, but ultimately we have to come to the conclusion that we were in the wrong and ask for HIS forgiveness and assistance. And what's so wonderful about our Lord is that HE is there, even when we are at our lowest, giving us a life line if we would just reach up and grab it! That's what HE has done for me and I hate to tell you how many times HE has had to help me out of the pit I've dug myself into!!
I just wanted to touch base with you dear friends. There has been a lot of changes going on in my life. Some wonderful, some not so good. I just know that through it all I am not alone and that is so comforting. I had a dream last night that let me know God is still fighting for me, and that HIS power is still thriving inside of me. I love those dreams and I thank you Lord for giving me hope and a vision. God says in His word that His people perish for lack of knowledge...help me Lord not to be one of those people.
To you out there who think that you are unworthy, just remember I too feel that way at times. Our abusers did a terrific job in making us feel we are the one to blame...but YOU are worthy and I encourage you to continue to tell yourself that. Our abusers have stolen a great deal from us, but we can take it back. This is my attempt to regain my life by sharing my inner most thoughts. As you read my stories of survival I hope you can begin to see yourself as a survivor but more importantly WORTHY of all that life as to offer. Pick yourself up out of the depths of despair and continue to endure. If I can, YOU can too. Life is good and it's waiting for you to embrace it...so go ahead...EMBRACE IT!
I've had several friends and family member question why I would put myself out there in writing the subjects I have written on. I am glad to say that my family has taken what I've written well, they're just sorry to know all that has happened to me as a very young girl. In all honesty I knew people who were close to me would read what I had written and I wanted them too. It was NEVER my intention to hide under a anonymous name for I knew that if I was to ever overcome my mental imagines, I was going to have to come completely clean and be very open, which included who I was.
You see I saw a broader picture than just a release from my own struggles. I saw a whole lot of people getting a release from their own demons. Sexual abuse is something a person rarely recovers completely from. I know I certainly haven't! However, I have become more at peace within myself and that speaks volumes.
Do I close my eyes at night and relive somethings? At times, YES.
Does it bring shivers down my spine and try to consume me? At times, YES!
It's so easy to allow yourself to become overwhelmed in the past, to drudge up all those negative experiences and become depressed. It's also hard when you realize that the dreams you once had for yourself will never come true. It's even harder when you realize that one of the reason they will never come true was because of the abuse you endured. Not that I'm using it as an excuse, because I know there are a lot of people out there who have gone through even worse than I have and yet made a fantastic life for themselves.
It has taken me 42 years to realize why my behaviors were so extreme. And even though people have the best of intentions, they can NEVER know unless they have been through it themselves what it feels like to be soiled, thinking you're unworthy of a quality love, although you search for it most of your life. I guess it's just in our instinct to continue to try and salvage our lives.
I hope that those out there who do know me don't think this was an attempt on my part to put shame on my family. I know some people took me wrong or maybe I just didn't make myself very clear. I do want to say that although I was an unplanned pregnancy I DO know my parents loved me. They had their own set of issues to deal with that's all. And although they aren't alive today, I still would have written on all the subjects I have written on. I had to. It was a drawing deep within me to share my experiences. I know that I have touched some with my openness and for that I am truly grateful.
Just think about this....if only we as a people could trust our inner self to just be honest, and not be fearful of what others might think, then maybe, just maybe we could live happier, healthier lives. Now I'm not saying we should go around just speaking our minds that would hurt someones feelings...that would be displeasing to God and cause more harm than good. However, I do feel that if we could share more of our lives, hurts, dreams and failures there would be others willing to do the same. For I truly believe with all my heart that there are so many hurting people out in this big ole' world that would find closure if only they had the freedom to be honest without repercussion's. Yes, WITHOUT repercussion's. It's time that we all realized we're flawed. One mans struggles may not be yours but yours are just as much of a struggle. We need to have compassion for one another and a high tolerance showing LOVE and RESPECT for each other.
I fall short myself but I strive to reach that goal. God willing and I know HE is...someday I will attain that goal. People ask me why I have to put God into everything, the simple answer to that is because HE is in everything. Every decision we make whether it be good or bad, HE is there trying to help his children as best as HE can. Remember though, HE did give us a free will and HE won't go against it. He'll try to show us, speak to us through people, places, and things, but ultimately we have to come to the conclusion that we were in the wrong and ask for HIS forgiveness and assistance. And what's so wonderful about our Lord is that HE is there, even when we are at our lowest, giving us a life line if we would just reach up and grab it! That's what HE has done for me and I hate to tell you how many times HE has had to help me out of the pit I've dug myself into!!
I just wanted to touch base with you dear friends. There has been a lot of changes going on in my life. Some wonderful, some not so good. I just know that through it all I am not alone and that is so comforting. I had a dream last night that let me know God is still fighting for me, and that HIS power is still thriving inside of me. I love those dreams and I thank you Lord for giving me hope and a vision. God says in His word that His people perish for lack of knowledge...help me Lord not to be one of those people.
To you out there who think that you are unworthy, just remember I too feel that way at times. Our abusers did a terrific job in making us feel we are the one to blame...but YOU are worthy and I encourage you to continue to tell yourself that. Our abusers have stolen a great deal from us, but we can take it back. This is my attempt to regain my life by sharing my inner most thoughts. As you read my stories of survival I hope you can begin to see yourself as a survivor but more importantly WORTHY of all that life as to offer. Pick yourself up out of the depths of despair and continue to endure. If I can, YOU can too. Life is good and it's waiting for you to embrace it...so go ahead...EMBRACE IT!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
My Battle With The Mind
I don't know if you realize this or not, but we all battle with our minds. It's a continuous fight between good and evil, right and wrong. I myself battle with unworthiness. I know that scripture tells me I have the mind of Christ and through that I can know all things. That Jesus was chastised for my peace and well-being [Isaiah 53:5] That Jesus is (Himself) my peace [Ephesians 2:14] However, knowing that and actually feeling that are two very different things. I have come along way since my first blog. I have reach highs and I have reach lows. At times, remembering has been a difficult thing to share and scary too.
I battle with unworthiness because I expect myself to be perfect before my God, and when I share my opinions with you I want to be honest and earn your trust. My battle is my own struggle...well not my own, it's mine and God's. You see He is still working on me and daily as I try to walk in His path of righteousness, I realize and understand the scripture "My righteousness is like filthy rags." For only Jesus' righteousness is what I yearn to attain, and it is a goal I've not reached. You see that's my battle...because I shall never reach it and the reason for that is because Jesus is already my righteousness! That's why Jesus says My grace is sufficient.
So then why do I battle with my mind? Because I know that there is so much more out there for me to do for Him, but my flesh is still weak. I respect my Heavenly Father so much, that I am not worthy to do His perfect Will for Him. Yes I have His grace, but I still willingly sin, I hate myself for sinning , but still proceed to sin. How can I explain this...help me Lord? I know that drinking too much to where you are drunk is wrong. Yet most Saturday nights I partake in to much drink. Most Saturday nights my husband and I sit at home and listen to music and relax by drinking some beer. How can I be used of God if I myself can not resist the lust of a good buzz. How can He move through me...even worse... I make Him a partaker in this awful sin. How you say? Because His Holy Spirit dwells within me, therefore I grieve His Spirit when I do these things.
Yet all through the week, I hear the needs of others, and my first reaction is to pray for them and ask God to answer my prayers...but why should He? I know that if I resist the devil he must flee. I know I wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. That I have the power over serpents and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy and nothing shall by any means hurt me. I will use those words for everyone else,and believe(have faith) that God will do it but, will I use them to help me...I have but sadly I go back and do it again so the answer is... NO! What is God to do with someone like me?
I can use excuses that I've been sexually abused, rejected, raped, but that is not the reason. The truth is my flash is weak...the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I tell you these things because I want you to understand I hate fake people. And the last thing I want is for someone to think I am trying to pretend to be something I'm not!! I will always be real with you, whether it be good or bad, I want you to know that I will always speak truth. I guess I'm asking you to trust this sinner, although I know I do not deserve it.
Back to my battle...in the bible it says in Galatians 5:19-21 [Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these;Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, sedition's, heresies, Envying, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such likes: as I have told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.] That my friends is a command and the manifestations of a fleshly life: that will damn the soul. I love the Lord my God with all my heart and all my soul and all my mind...He knows I do, yet I can not stop partaking in alcohol at least one night a week. I have no desire to drink anytime but with my husband on Saturday night. This messes with my mind!! Am I saved? Will I go to heaven? Will I be in the rapture? All these things go through my mind constantly. You would think that if it bothers me that bad I'd just stop, right? Wrong!!
So I continue asking for forgiveness, but doesn't true repentance mean turning away from that sin? YES! So therefore I must not be truly repentant... yet I am! All I know to do at this point in my life is to continue to fight the good fight, and not give up. To claim 2 Corinthians 3:4 [For though we walk (live) in the flesh, we are not carrying on our warfare according to the flesh and using mere human weapons.For the weapons of our warfare are not physical(weapons of flesh and blood), but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds.] And that is what I am battling...a STRONGHOLD!
I just felt the need to share with you my flaws. Why, you might say to yourself must she have such a need to share something that is really nobodies business but her own? You see I don't want you to think I'm a hypocrite...yet I am... I guess we all are at one time or another!! However, I would die for my Lord before I would deny Him, but I AM still a work in progress. I have faith that one day I will overcome this stronghold. However I know it will come NOT by might, nor by power, but by My (Gods) Spirit, says the Lords of Hosts.
Recently our President just went on record supporting the marriage of homosexuals. I want to make one thing perfectly clear, although I do not agree with our President, I do not see one sin any different than another sin with the exception of the unpardonable one which is to deny Jesus Christ. With that being said, I do think it is one thing to partake in a sin, but it's another thing to willingly condone it. I do not condone my actions but that is between me and God, however when we allow our country to adapt and knowingly accept marriage between same sex individuals, it's like saying that this is not a sin in the sight of God and once more we as a nation become more desensitized to yet another of what God calls the works of the flesh. I just want to make it clear that God tells us to love all people and to go forth to all nations baptizing in the name of the Father,Son and Holy Spirit...but He also tell us that although we are in this world we are not to be of this world!!
Thus , this is MY problem...the battle with my mind...MY stronghold is not another persons stronghold. However, when a nation takes the stronghold out of the individuals decision and makes it a civil rights issue instead of a moral issue and says it's alright, I take offense and worry about this once great nation.
I am a sinner saved by grace, but just because a country makes a sin acceptable doesn't mean God does too!!!
May my Heavenly Father have mercy on me and may He have mercy on our country!! God's Word says "confess your faults one to another, that you might be healed"...may this be the start to my healing, one can only hope.
I battle with unworthiness because I expect myself to be perfect before my God, and when I share my opinions with you I want to be honest and earn your trust. My battle is my own struggle...well not my own, it's mine and God's. You see He is still working on me and daily as I try to walk in His path of righteousness, I realize and understand the scripture "My righteousness is like filthy rags." For only Jesus' righteousness is what I yearn to attain, and it is a goal I've not reached. You see that's my battle...because I shall never reach it and the reason for that is because Jesus is already my righteousness! That's why Jesus says My grace is sufficient.
So then why do I battle with my mind? Because I know that there is so much more out there for me to do for Him, but my flesh is still weak. I respect my Heavenly Father so much, that I am not worthy to do His perfect Will for Him. Yes I have His grace, but I still willingly sin, I hate myself for sinning , but still proceed to sin. How can I explain this...help me Lord? I know that drinking too much to where you are drunk is wrong. Yet most Saturday nights I partake in to much drink. Most Saturday nights my husband and I sit at home and listen to music and relax by drinking some beer. How can I be used of God if I myself can not resist the lust of a good buzz. How can He move through me...even worse... I make Him a partaker in this awful sin. How you say? Because His Holy Spirit dwells within me, therefore I grieve His Spirit when I do these things.
Yet all through the week, I hear the needs of others, and my first reaction is to pray for them and ask God to answer my prayers...but why should He? I know that if I resist the devil he must flee. I know I wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. That I have the power over serpents and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy and nothing shall by any means hurt me. I will use those words for everyone else,and believe(have faith) that God will do it but, will I use them to help me...I have but sadly I go back and do it again so the answer is... NO! What is God to do with someone like me?
I can use excuses that I've been sexually abused, rejected, raped, but that is not the reason. The truth is my flash is weak...the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I tell you these things because I want you to understand I hate fake people. And the last thing I want is for someone to think I am trying to pretend to be something I'm not!! I will always be real with you, whether it be good or bad, I want you to know that I will always speak truth. I guess I'm asking you to trust this sinner, although I know I do not deserve it.
Back to my battle...in the bible it says in Galatians 5:19-21 [Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these;Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, sedition's, heresies, Envying, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such likes: as I have told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.] That my friends is a command and the manifestations of a fleshly life: that will damn the soul. I love the Lord my God with all my heart and all my soul and all my mind...He knows I do, yet I can not stop partaking in alcohol at least one night a week. I have no desire to drink anytime but with my husband on Saturday night. This messes with my mind!! Am I saved? Will I go to heaven? Will I be in the rapture? All these things go through my mind constantly. You would think that if it bothers me that bad I'd just stop, right? Wrong!!
So I continue asking for forgiveness, but doesn't true repentance mean turning away from that sin? YES! So therefore I must not be truly repentant... yet I am! All I know to do at this point in my life is to continue to fight the good fight, and not give up. To claim 2 Corinthians 3:4 [For though we walk (live) in the flesh, we are not carrying on our warfare according to the flesh and using mere human weapons.For the weapons of our warfare are not physical(weapons of flesh and blood), but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds.] And that is what I am battling...a STRONGHOLD!
I just felt the need to share with you my flaws. Why, you might say to yourself must she have such a need to share something that is really nobodies business but her own? You see I don't want you to think I'm a hypocrite...yet I am... I guess we all are at one time or another!! However, I would die for my Lord before I would deny Him, but I AM still a work in progress. I have faith that one day I will overcome this stronghold. However I know it will come NOT by might, nor by power, but by My (Gods) Spirit, says the Lords of Hosts.
Recently our President just went on record supporting the marriage of homosexuals. I want to make one thing perfectly clear, although I do not agree with our President, I do not see one sin any different than another sin with the exception of the unpardonable one which is to deny Jesus Christ. With that being said, I do think it is one thing to partake in a sin, but it's another thing to willingly condone it. I do not condone my actions but that is between me and God, however when we allow our country to adapt and knowingly accept marriage between same sex individuals, it's like saying that this is not a sin in the sight of God and once more we as a nation become more desensitized to yet another of what God calls the works of the flesh. I just want to make it clear that God tells us to love all people and to go forth to all nations baptizing in the name of the Father,Son and Holy Spirit...but He also tell us that although we are in this world we are not to be of this world!!
Thus , this is MY problem...the battle with my mind...MY stronghold is not another persons stronghold. However, when a nation takes the stronghold out of the individuals decision and makes it a civil rights issue instead of a moral issue and says it's alright, I take offense and worry about this once great nation.
I am a sinner saved by grace, but just because a country makes a sin acceptable doesn't mean God does too!!!
May my Heavenly Father have mercy on me and may He have mercy on our country!! God's Word says "confess your faults one to another, that you might be healed"...may this be the start to my healing, one can only hope.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
The Truth, The Whole Truth, And Nothing But The Truth
This was written by Rebecca O'Conner
John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
Truth is God, and God is truth. God is Word, and Word is Truth. What is Truth's definition?
The dictionary defines it as:
1. something factual: the thing that corresponds to fact or reality
2. true quality: Correspondence to fact or reality
3. true statement: a statement that corresponds to fact or reality
Truth is fact and reality. Truth cannot be recalibrated. It is set as fact and reality no matter the situation surrounding it, man's agreement to it or his adherence to it. Man may accept a fable, but it will not stop the course of Truth. Truth will find it's reality.
Wisdom follows Truth and is blessed by it, while the foolish disregard it, and Truth becomes his curse. All through the Pentateuch [first five books of Moses and the law] God is setting the grounds for what will bring life, abundance and blessings and what will reap lack, curses and destruction. Jesus came to bring us eternal life through forgiveness by His shed blood and abundance for our obedience to walk in the spirit and in Truth. God is not in the curses because God is not a curse. Satan is the author of all curses to mankind. We have the choice of two doors:
1. The door of Truth
2. The door of man lured by lust and desire
Judgment is in the hands of man contingent upon his choice. God is not giving judgment:He has already made judgment by setting forth His Truth: Deut 30:19 I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may have life:
I said that to tell you this: In this nation we are trying to remedy the symptoms of disobedience without seeing that the cause IS disobedience. None of the wounds to our economy will be remedied because we ignore the source of our problem. Obedience is better than sacrifice, but we keep trying to feed the sacrifice, which is like a ravenous animal. Feeding into lack is like trying to feed quicksand. The more we feed it the more it eats. We have the entire Old Testament as an example of the rise and fall of God's people. God wanted them to walk in life as a model to the world, but upon their conformation to the world they sacrificed the blessings to live under curses and death. Captivity ruled their disobedience.
FACT: Seven years after the first warning of our hedge crumbling on September 11, 2001, our economy took a hit with global banks collapsing. Bailouts and bankruptcy were fed into this quicksand which gobbled and fed more to no avail. Everyone was made a debtor to the god of mammon! It happened to fall on the 7th year of the Hebrew shmita. Simply put, the Hebrew shmita forces man to recognize that there is more to life than just the physical world. By refraining from agricultural work and instead, devoting his time to WORD study, man spent every seventh year developing the spiritual world as well. Second, shmita involves social justice. In the past, landowners were, by definition rich; more land signified greater wealth. Yet during the sabbatical year, the landowners must repudiate ownership of his fruit. In other words, anyone may enter the landowner's Field and partake of the fruit. [No, this is not called socialism but charity and spiritual growth.] thus, the landowner and the village pauper enter the field as equals, and each are permitted to pick exactly the amount they need to eat. Since the rich must forgive all poor's debts, an impoverished man can more easily get back on his own two feet after the shmita year has concluded. Furthermore, by observing the laws of shmita, man is, in effect declaring that he recognizes that all the property which he has acquired does not truly belong to him. Rather, everything that he has comes from God. therefore, he obeys God's command and repudiates ownership of his fruit, refrains from working his fields and cancels debtors. This Hebrew practice was the spiritual Truth of forgiving debts. When the Jews did not obey the shmita, they found themselves in captivity, and the land rested by force, and the wealthy landowners lost their lands by force. The Jews would either submit to Truth or be forced into Truth at their peril...Truth is not stopped because man ignores it.
Granted, our nation is many sabbaticals in debt but lived under the grace of God's forgiveness. However, we were served notice on 9/11 that our hedge had been compromised. We had no idea that we were vulnerable, but Truth was revealed by force as the enemy entered where he could not before. Truth to the disobedient is a curse. As this nation has disregarded Truth, Truth was revealed in a way we did not choose. That was man's judgment, and we are living it. We did not obey the Truth even after it was exposed, and the next Truth followed. There is no grace, for grace is the sign of a nation under God. Our decision was to become a secular nation and further our walk of disobedience. Truth will become a reality whether man complies with it or not. In 2008, just seven years to the day of 9/11 the landowners began to fail and banks began to collapse. We fed the symptoms by bailouts, and those not receiving them went bankrupt. Man is a poor excuse for god, but man continues to play the role.
This means that Truth will prevail but not as the blessing it was intended because man has cursed all of God's blessings and reset another truth to his own pallet. when a nation recalibrates away from God, he ignorantly sets the prophetic clock of forced Truth, however, instead of receiving the prosperity of it, we receive it in our lack. Man becomes under the hand of his own judgment. He made his choice but does not like what his choice has produced.
This is an election year. How far off course do we intend to go? If you asked anyone what they think is the most important consideration in this country, you will hear them say JOBS and the economy. The more we seek mammon the more it will be our curse. Again, we do not heed the Truth, but in the end Truth will be the reality. No man can stop Truth, but he can repent for having left it, return to God and be blessed or live on the negative side of this Truth as it's reality unfolds.
Which of America's gods will back up on us next? the pharaoh of old made forced abortion on the Jews, and Egypt lost their firstborn. what will happen when we elect a leader like Obama who lifted the ban on partial birth abortions as well as government's intrusion with mandates of contraceptives forced on churches to offer in contradiction to abstinence? Truth is at our door ready to make it's third visit. You can either open the door to Truth and follow its blessings or bolt the door against it and sacrifice the blessing. Truth will come and with it the opportunity to be blessed. Take the opportunity and put your hand to what is right. Make a commitment to morality rather than mammon. We have the choice to welcome the blessings back in this nation or become like the rest of the world and taste its suffering.
These are my own words: Debbie Killian....on May 9th 2012 our President announced that he will support gay marriage.
While God loves the homosexual He hates the homosexuality. For me, this is another blow to our country and another strike against us from God. And sadly most people are for it, even Christians. What's wrong with this picture? God has explicitly shown us in the Word that having unnatural desires for the same sex is a sin, however we choose AGAIN to embrace it. I'm not saying that we are not to love homosexuals....I have a few self proclaimed gays who are very kind and caring and I like them deeply.
That being said, I still have to speak God's Truth and you can find it many scriptures such as Colossians 3:5-7: Galatians 6:19-21: 1 Corinthians 6:9&10.
Could it be possible that our immorality will be the door ready to make it's third visit??
Just a thought.
John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
Truth is God, and God is truth. God is Word, and Word is Truth. What is Truth's definition?
The dictionary defines it as:
1. something factual: the thing that corresponds to fact or reality
2. true quality: Correspondence to fact or reality
3. true statement: a statement that corresponds to fact or reality
Truth is fact and reality. Truth cannot be recalibrated. It is set as fact and reality no matter the situation surrounding it, man's agreement to it or his adherence to it. Man may accept a fable, but it will not stop the course of Truth. Truth will find it's reality.
Wisdom follows Truth and is blessed by it, while the foolish disregard it, and Truth becomes his curse. All through the Pentateuch [first five books of Moses and the law] God is setting the grounds for what will bring life, abundance and blessings and what will reap lack, curses and destruction. Jesus came to bring us eternal life through forgiveness by His shed blood and abundance for our obedience to walk in the spirit and in Truth. God is not in the curses because God is not a curse. Satan is the author of all curses to mankind. We have the choice of two doors:
1. The door of Truth
2. The door of man lured by lust and desire
Judgment is in the hands of man contingent upon his choice. God is not giving judgment:He has already made judgment by setting forth His Truth: Deut 30:19 I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may have life:
I said that to tell you this: In this nation we are trying to remedy the symptoms of disobedience without seeing that the cause IS disobedience. None of the wounds to our economy will be remedied because we ignore the source of our problem. Obedience is better than sacrifice, but we keep trying to feed the sacrifice, which is like a ravenous animal. Feeding into lack is like trying to feed quicksand. The more we feed it the more it eats. We have the entire Old Testament as an example of the rise and fall of God's people. God wanted them to walk in life as a model to the world, but upon their conformation to the world they sacrificed the blessings to live under curses and death. Captivity ruled their disobedience.
FACT: Seven years after the first warning of our hedge crumbling on September 11, 2001, our economy took a hit with global banks collapsing. Bailouts and bankruptcy were fed into this quicksand which gobbled and fed more to no avail. Everyone was made a debtor to the god of mammon! It happened to fall on the 7th year of the Hebrew shmita. Simply put, the Hebrew shmita forces man to recognize that there is more to life than just the physical world. By refraining from agricultural work and instead, devoting his time to WORD study, man spent every seventh year developing the spiritual world as well. Second, shmita involves social justice. In the past, landowners were, by definition rich; more land signified greater wealth. Yet during the sabbatical year, the landowners must repudiate ownership of his fruit. In other words, anyone may enter the landowner's Field and partake of the fruit. [No, this is not called socialism but charity and spiritual growth.] thus, the landowner and the village pauper enter the field as equals, and each are permitted to pick exactly the amount they need to eat. Since the rich must forgive all poor's debts, an impoverished man can more easily get back on his own two feet after the shmita year has concluded. Furthermore, by observing the laws of shmita, man is, in effect declaring that he recognizes that all the property which he has acquired does not truly belong to him. Rather, everything that he has comes from God. therefore, he obeys God's command and repudiates ownership of his fruit, refrains from working his fields and cancels debtors. This Hebrew practice was the spiritual Truth of forgiving debts. When the Jews did not obey the shmita, they found themselves in captivity, and the land rested by force, and the wealthy landowners lost their lands by force. The Jews would either submit to Truth or be forced into Truth at their peril...Truth is not stopped because man ignores it.
Granted, our nation is many sabbaticals in debt but lived under the grace of God's forgiveness. However, we were served notice on 9/11 that our hedge had been compromised. We had no idea that we were vulnerable, but Truth was revealed by force as the enemy entered where he could not before. Truth to the disobedient is a curse. As this nation has disregarded Truth, Truth was revealed in a way we did not choose. That was man's judgment, and we are living it. We did not obey the Truth even after it was exposed, and the next Truth followed. There is no grace, for grace is the sign of a nation under God. Our decision was to become a secular nation and further our walk of disobedience. Truth will become a reality whether man complies with it or not. In 2008, just seven years to the day of 9/11 the landowners began to fail and banks began to collapse. We fed the symptoms by bailouts, and those not receiving them went bankrupt. Man is a poor excuse for god, but man continues to play the role.
This means that Truth will prevail but not as the blessing it was intended because man has cursed all of God's blessings and reset another truth to his own pallet. when a nation recalibrates away from God, he ignorantly sets the prophetic clock of forced Truth, however, instead of receiving the prosperity of it, we receive it in our lack. Man becomes under the hand of his own judgment. He made his choice but does not like what his choice has produced.
This is an election year. How far off course do we intend to go? If you asked anyone what they think is the most important consideration in this country, you will hear them say JOBS and the economy. The more we seek mammon the more it will be our curse. Again, we do not heed the Truth, but in the end Truth will be the reality. No man can stop Truth, but he can repent for having left it, return to God and be blessed or live on the negative side of this Truth as it's reality unfolds.
Which of America's gods will back up on us next? the pharaoh of old made forced abortion on the Jews, and Egypt lost their firstborn. what will happen when we elect a leader like Obama who lifted the ban on partial birth abortions as well as government's intrusion with mandates of contraceptives forced on churches to offer in contradiction to abstinence? Truth is at our door ready to make it's third visit. You can either open the door to Truth and follow its blessings or bolt the door against it and sacrifice the blessing. Truth will come and with it the opportunity to be blessed. Take the opportunity and put your hand to what is right. Make a commitment to morality rather than mammon. We have the choice to welcome the blessings back in this nation or become like the rest of the world and taste its suffering.
These are my own words: Debbie Killian....on May 9th 2012 our President announced that he will support gay marriage.
While God loves the homosexual He hates the homosexuality. For me, this is another blow to our country and another strike against us from God. And sadly most people are for it, even Christians. What's wrong with this picture? God has explicitly shown us in the Word that having unnatural desires for the same sex is a sin, however we choose AGAIN to embrace it. I'm not saying that we are not to love homosexuals....I have a few self proclaimed gays who are very kind and caring and I like them deeply.
That being said, I still have to speak God's Truth and you can find it many scriptures such as Colossians 3:5-7: Galatians 6:19-21: 1 Corinthians 6:9&10.
Could it be possible that our immorality will be the door ready to make it's third visit??
Just a thought.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Divided We Fall
"Israel is the only nation on earth that inhabits the same land, bears the same name, speaks the same language, and worships the same God that it did over 3,000 years. you dig the soil and you find pottery from Davidic times, coins from Bar Kokhba, and 2,000-year-old-scrolls written in a script remarkably like the one that today advertises ice cream at the corner candy store." Charles Krauthammer- The Weekly Standard, May 11, 1998
In 1200BC the Children of Israel settled in the Land of Canaan after Moses led the twelve Hebrew tribes out of slavery in Egypt and with the conquests of Joshua entered into the Promise Land. She established herself as a sustainable force in the area at that time. However, in a dispute over a king, the Israelites split into the Northern Kingdom of Israel (10 tribes)and the Southern Kingdom of Judah (2 tribes). As we know, a kingdom divided against itself cannot stand, and in 722 BC Israel's reign ended when the ten tribes were conquered by Sargon ll,King of Assyria, which is modern day Iran and Syria. Likewise, in 586 BC Judah's reign ended with the conquest of Jerusalem and the Southern Kingdom by Nebuchadnezzar ll, King of Babylonia. Most of the Jews were killed, became slaves or were disbursed to other countries. Through the different conquests Israel as a nation was no longer. If you were born in the 1920s, for example, you could not fathom that a prophecy for the nation of Israel as valid because there was no such nation.
Atheists were coming out of the woodwork in the late 1800s because the end times prophecies could only occur if Israel was a nation, and it was not. It had not been for almost 3000 years, and many of the "intellectuals" wanted to know when the possibility of those prophecies, could conceivably be fulfilled. The end could not have happened in the 1800s. Israel had not been restored to her ancient land. then, almost overnight, Israel again came into being.
On May 14, 1948, with the help of the US and England, Israel was restored after the holocaust nearly wiped them out; and they have been forced to contend with ever since. On May 15, 1948, Israel was attacked by five Arab countries the very first day of her new existence. This was another prophecy fulfilled because the prophets indicated that even though Israel would be restored and would thrive she would never have peace until the end and would be surrounded by her enemies. The prophecies said that in the end, the world would turn against Israel. That would lead the way to the plains to Armageddon and the end of things as we know it. That prophecy has almost been fulfilled. Israel has been surrounded by enemies for years, but treaties have been in place to prevent war. However, with encouragement from the West, Arab leaders are being overthrown. As bad some of these leaders may have been, many were allies of the West. Through American taxpayers, billions of dollars were offered each year if they would promise not to go to war with Israel. It was like giving your lunch money to a bully to prevent being beaten up. The bully takes the money but eventually beats you up anyway. The bully is doing that very thing now. The Muslim Brotherhood, a " terrorist organization", is systematically replacing these leaders one by one and is threatening to end the "peace" with Israel. all the governments surrounding Israel are in turmoil or revolt, and they are all Islamic...enemies of Israel.
All hades is getting ready to break loose. The bullies are coming. While America has been a force with which to contend as standing in partnership with Israel, we have become a silent partner. While this administration makes sounds of supporting Israel publicly, behind close doors the opposite is true. Sanctions do not seem to matter when your national religion requires you to destroy the "GREAT SATAN". We are considered the GREAT SATAN often accompanied by shouts of "Marg bar Amrika!" Meaning:"Death to America".
Obama told Netanyahu we would support Israel's fight to stop Iran ONLY after the coming election...Just a few days ago Obama told Russian President Dmitry Medvedev privately that he had one election left and after that he would have more flexibility. Of course, Obama did not realize that his microphone was still on. The same slip happened with French President Sarkozy. Sarkozy called Israel's Prime Minister Netanyahu a liar to which President Obama replied, "you are sick of him, but I have to work with him every day." Just what exactly will happen after the election is any body's guess, but it does not seem to favor Israel.
I do not believe that President Obama speaks for all democrats and certainly not for all Americans, but I give him three strikes:
1. He has done more than any president on behalf of pro-choice.
2. He has done more than any president to infringe the rights of Christians.
3. He has been a most reluctant ally to Israel.
Written by Rebecca O'Conner and I concur.
In 1200BC the Children of Israel settled in the Land of Canaan after Moses led the twelve Hebrew tribes out of slavery in Egypt and with the conquests of Joshua entered into the Promise Land. She established herself as a sustainable force in the area at that time. However, in a dispute over a king, the Israelites split into the Northern Kingdom of Israel (10 tribes)and the Southern Kingdom of Judah (2 tribes). As we know, a kingdom divided against itself cannot stand, and in 722 BC Israel's reign ended when the ten tribes were conquered by Sargon ll,King of Assyria, which is modern day Iran and Syria. Likewise, in 586 BC Judah's reign ended with the conquest of Jerusalem and the Southern Kingdom by Nebuchadnezzar ll, King of Babylonia. Most of the Jews were killed, became slaves or were disbursed to other countries. Through the different conquests Israel as a nation was no longer. If you were born in the 1920s, for example, you could not fathom that a prophecy for the nation of Israel as valid because there was no such nation.
Atheists were coming out of the woodwork in the late 1800s because the end times prophecies could only occur if Israel was a nation, and it was not. It had not been for almost 3000 years, and many of the "intellectuals" wanted to know when the possibility of those prophecies, could conceivably be fulfilled. The end could not have happened in the 1800s. Israel had not been restored to her ancient land. then, almost overnight, Israel again came into being.
On May 14, 1948, with the help of the US and England, Israel was restored after the holocaust nearly wiped them out; and they have been forced to contend with ever since. On May 15, 1948, Israel was attacked by five Arab countries the very first day of her new existence. This was another prophecy fulfilled because the prophets indicated that even though Israel would be restored and would thrive she would never have peace until the end and would be surrounded by her enemies. The prophecies said that in the end, the world would turn against Israel. That would lead the way to the plains to Armageddon and the end of things as we know it. That prophecy has almost been fulfilled. Israel has been surrounded by enemies for years, but treaties have been in place to prevent war. However, with encouragement from the West, Arab leaders are being overthrown. As bad some of these leaders may have been, many were allies of the West. Through American taxpayers, billions of dollars were offered each year if they would promise not to go to war with Israel. It was like giving your lunch money to a bully to prevent being beaten up. The bully takes the money but eventually beats you up anyway. The bully is doing that very thing now. The Muslim Brotherhood, a " terrorist organization", is systematically replacing these leaders one by one and is threatening to end the "peace" with Israel. all the governments surrounding Israel are in turmoil or revolt, and they are all Islamic...enemies of Israel.
All hades is getting ready to break loose. The bullies are coming. While America has been a force with which to contend as standing in partnership with Israel, we have become a silent partner. While this administration makes sounds of supporting Israel publicly, behind close doors the opposite is true. Sanctions do not seem to matter when your national religion requires you to destroy the "GREAT SATAN". We are considered the GREAT SATAN often accompanied by shouts of "Marg bar Amrika!" Meaning:"Death to America".
Obama told Netanyahu we would support Israel's fight to stop Iran ONLY after the coming election...Just a few days ago Obama told Russian President Dmitry Medvedev privately that he had one election left and after that he would have more flexibility. Of course, Obama did not realize that his microphone was still on. The same slip happened with French President Sarkozy. Sarkozy called Israel's Prime Minister Netanyahu a liar to which President Obama replied, "you are sick of him, but I have to work with him every day." Just what exactly will happen after the election is any body's guess, but it does not seem to favor Israel.
I do not believe that President Obama speaks for all democrats and certainly not for all Americans, but I give him three strikes:
1. He has done more than any president on behalf of pro-choice.
2. He has done more than any president to infringe the rights of Christians.
3. He has been a most reluctant ally to Israel.
Written by Rebecca O'Conner and I concur.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Sticks And Stones
I was in the fifth grade and there was a boy in my class that everyone made fun of. This is my first recollection of being mean to someone. He was a poor boy, big for his age and everyone, including me thought he was gross. I know that is not a nice thing to say but I am speaking the truth. I remember us making comments under our breath when he would walk by knowing full well he heard every word and then laughing about it. We would walk home and he would walk by himself and we would yell terrible things to him, sometimes he would retaliate and sometimes he would act as if he didn't hear us, but I know he did. I think back on that now, and I tell you if I ever run into him I would give him the most sincere apology, for I am truly ashamed. I along with everyone else was just plain mean to this boy and for what? Because he was poor, dressed poorly, and was big for his age. My heart aches just thinking about it!
I remember later in Junior High I was made to be his science partner. At first I was appalled, but as I got to know him I found him to be nice and extremely helpful with our project.Even though he saw my reaction and remembered all the nasty things I as well as other had said about him, he still was nice to me. However, did I bother to apologize for my bad behavior...NO! I regret it to this day, and now that bullying as been brought to the fore front it bothers me even more than ever.
Awe, but believe me, YOU do reap what you sow, because I too was bullied in High School and let me tell you it isn't fun. Of course I had skills to take up for myself, but what about the ones who do not? Not that this makes one bit of difference, but back then we didn't think of it as being a bully, we thought of it as just making fun of someone, not realizing how deeply we were hurting them. I'll bet there were mornings when he wished he didn't have to go to school, because when it was happening to me, I sure skipped a lot of school.
What make any of us think we are better than anyone else? We were uniquely created for a reason and yet as people we seem to get great pleasure out of hurting one another. As humans we are so consumed by appearance instead of character that it's a wonder God hasn't wiped His hands completely of us. So what if someone is fat, skinny, unattractive (in our eyes). Whether they are short or tall, African American, Asian, Indian, Hispanic, heterosexual or homosexual? Who are we to judge? And what right has ever been given to us to judge? What right has ever been given to us to be cruel and that's what it is...CRUEL!!
We also judge people by their sins and because of it treat them unfairly. It is not for us to judge. God says in Matthew 7:1-5 Judge not,that ye be not judged. For what judgement ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why behold thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but consider not the beam that is in your eye? Or how will thy say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote in your eye ; and behold, a beam is in thy own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast the beam out of your own eye; and then shall you see clearly to cast out the mote in your brother's eye. Sin is sin, we as a people put a degree on sin but in God's eyes gossiping is just as sinful as over eating, or drinking, or any other sin, with the exception of the unpardonable one.
Who made us judge and jury? I tell you, we will be held accountable for bullying and I repent, for Lord I am truly sorry. People are killing themselves over being bullied, people are killing each other because they think themselves better than someone else. It has become an epidemic and now with the Internet and texting, it's even worse. Stick and stones may brake my bones but words will never hurt me. That is such a lie, for words can cut deeper and last longer than any knife wound. Hurtful words play over and over in your mind, to the point to where you start to believe them. Society has made such a big deal out of looks, and size that I feel sorry for the youth growing up in these times. So some kids don't like sports, or they are not a cheerleader so what? So what if your not popular, it's what's inside that truly counts, although I'm sure those of you being bullied are saying to yourself, "easy for you to say!"
Believe it or not, it does get better as you get older, but if you find yourself in a situation that is unbearable don't keep still. It's just like sexual or physical abuse, silence is an abusers best friend and it is also a bully's best friend. Go to someone and tell, don't be afraid or ashamed that you can't handle it on your own. Sometimes it takes another person to step in and take action. Trust me, for ever action there is a reaction and your reaction may not be able to undo, especially if you are thinking of taking your own life!! Nobody, no matter what is said about you is worth taking your life over. Your life is a precious gift and you are precious!
I was abused, used, mistreated and unpopular in High School. I had a teacher make fun of me my freshman year in front of the whole class. I had friends who turned their backs on me and friends who betrayed me. Like I said, for every action there is a reaction and my reaction was rebellion, every kind of rebellion you can think of. I lived a life of lies and deceit and I cried when I was alone all the time. I could have used some help, but I didn't reach out because of pride. When I think back on that young boy, I wonder if he cried when he was alone? I wonder if he ever felt love and acceptance as he grew older? Children can be so cruel and so can their parents. And there is no defense for a parent condoning their child being a bully.
Those of you who are reading this, if you have been bullied please know that there is help out there. Now, more than ever you have an advocate because people are finally recognizing the terrible effects of bullying. Now is YOUR time to expose those who are mistreating you. Whether it be with words, or physical, YOU have the power to stop it. Just as all of us in life must step forward when a wrong is being committed, you must too. You are stronger than you think and braver than you realize. Just take that one step or say those two words...HELP ME! I will help you, I realize that in order for you to comment you need a google account, but it's not hard to get. Do it, then write to me, together we can find a solution, no matter where you live. If need be, I'll be your advocate!!
My heart is sadden as I type this because there is a man lying in a hospital room fighting for his very life because of a bully. Don't let that be you. You may not feel this way, but God does love you. He knew you before you were even conceived and He has a plan for each and everyone of us who will seek Him and allow Him to direct our path. Come just as you are with all your imperfections, as we all have them. In closing really comprehend what Jesus says in Matthew 5:3-12
3) Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4) Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
5) Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
6) Blessed are they which hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be full.
7) Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
8) Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
9) Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
10) Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of
heaven.
11) Blessed are ye when men shall revile you and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil
against you falsely, for my sake.
12) Rejoice and be exceedingly glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they
the prophets which were before you.
The first one 3) is a prophecy, the following nine are promises and the last one 12) is a command.
God will richly reward you and He will come to your defense. And may we all remember what it says in
St. John15:12&13 This is my commandment that you love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
I hope one day I get the opportunity to see that young man, so that I can tell him how sorry I am. If you are guilty of bullying as I once was, I pray this makes you realize that your actions are no small thing and that it really is a sign of a deep seeded problem within you as it was in me. And those of you who have been bullied as I once was, forgive them. Forgiveness is for YOU, for not being able to forgive only hurts YOU! When you forgive it releases YOU to live a fulfilled and content life. It loosens YOU to receive all that God has to offer YOU. I encourage all to quit focusing on the exterior and look at the interior of a person. I like M.L.King have a dream also, that one day we will not look at the color of ones skin or their appearance, but rather become aware of the importance of the content of their character. For that truly IS what matters!!
I remember later in Junior High I was made to be his science partner. At first I was appalled, but as I got to know him I found him to be nice and extremely helpful with our project.Even though he saw my reaction and remembered all the nasty things I as well as other had said about him, he still was nice to me. However, did I bother to apologize for my bad behavior...NO! I regret it to this day, and now that bullying as been brought to the fore front it bothers me even more than ever.
Awe, but believe me, YOU do reap what you sow, because I too was bullied in High School and let me tell you it isn't fun. Of course I had skills to take up for myself, but what about the ones who do not? Not that this makes one bit of difference, but back then we didn't think of it as being a bully, we thought of it as just making fun of someone, not realizing how deeply we were hurting them. I'll bet there were mornings when he wished he didn't have to go to school, because when it was happening to me, I sure skipped a lot of school.
What make any of us think we are better than anyone else? We were uniquely created for a reason and yet as people we seem to get great pleasure out of hurting one another. As humans we are so consumed by appearance instead of character that it's a wonder God hasn't wiped His hands completely of us. So what if someone is fat, skinny, unattractive (in our eyes). Whether they are short or tall, African American, Asian, Indian, Hispanic, heterosexual or homosexual? Who are we to judge? And what right has ever been given to us to judge? What right has ever been given to us to be cruel and that's what it is...CRUEL!!
We also judge people by their sins and because of it treat them unfairly. It is not for us to judge. God says in Matthew 7:1-5 Judge not,that ye be not judged. For what judgement ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why behold thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but consider not the beam that is in your eye? Or how will thy say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote in your eye ; and behold, a beam is in thy own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast the beam out of your own eye; and then shall you see clearly to cast out the mote in your brother's eye. Sin is sin, we as a people put a degree on sin but in God's eyes gossiping is just as sinful as over eating, or drinking, or any other sin, with the exception of the unpardonable one.
Who made us judge and jury? I tell you, we will be held accountable for bullying and I repent, for Lord I am truly sorry. People are killing themselves over being bullied, people are killing each other because they think themselves better than someone else. It has become an epidemic and now with the Internet and texting, it's even worse. Stick and stones may brake my bones but words will never hurt me. That is such a lie, for words can cut deeper and last longer than any knife wound. Hurtful words play over and over in your mind, to the point to where you start to believe them. Society has made such a big deal out of looks, and size that I feel sorry for the youth growing up in these times. So some kids don't like sports, or they are not a cheerleader so what? So what if your not popular, it's what's inside that truly counts, although I'm sure those of you being bullied are saying to yourself, "easy for you to say!"
Believe it or not, it does get better as you get older, but if you find yourself in a situation that is unbearable don't keep still. It's just like sexual or physical abuse, silence is an abusers best friend and it is also a bully's best friend. Go to someone and tell, don't be afraid or ashamed that you can't handle it on your own. Sometimes it takes another person to step in and take action. Trust me, for ever action there is a reaction and your reaction may not be able to undo, especially if you are thinking of taking your own life!! Nobody, no matter what is said about you is worth taking your life over. Your life is a precious gift and you are precious!
I was abused, used, mistreated and unpopular in High School. I had a teacher make fun of me my freshman year in front of the whole class. I had friends who turned their backs on me and friends who betrayed me. Like I said, for every action there is a reaction and my reaction was rebellion, every kind of rebellion you can think of. I lived a life of lies and deceit and I cried when I was alone all the time. I could have used some help, but I didn't reach out because of pride. When I think back on that young boy, I wonder if he cried when he was alone? I wonder if he ever felt love and acceptance as he grew older? Children can be so cruel and so can their parents. And there is no defense for a parent condoning their child being a bully.
Those of you who are reading this, if you have been bullied please know that there is help out there. Now, more than ever you have an advocate because people are finally recognizing the terrible effects of bullying. Now is YOUR time to expose those who are mistreating you. Whether it be with words, or physical, YOU have the power to stop it. Just as all of us in life must step forward when a wrong is being committed, you must too. You are stronger than you think and braver than you realize. Just take that one step or say those two words...HELP ME! I will help you, I realize that in order for you to comment you need a google account, but it's not hard to get. Do it, then write to me, together we can find a solution, no matter where you live. If need be, I'll be your advocate!!
My heart is sadden as I type this because there is a man lying in a hospital room fighting for his very life because of a bully. Don't let that be you. You may not feel this way, but God does love you. He knew you before you were even conceived and He has a plan for each and everyone of us who will seek Him and allow Him to direct our path. Come just as you are with all your imperfections, as we all have them. In closing really comprehend what Jesus says in Matthew 5:3-12
3) Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4) Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
5) Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
6) Blessed are they which hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be full.
7) Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
8) Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
9) Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
10) Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of
heaven.
11) Blessed are ye when men shall revile you and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil
against you falsely, for my sake.
12) Rejoice and be exceedingly glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they
the prophets which were before you.
The first one 3) is a prophecy, the following nine are promises and the last one 12) is a command.
God will richly reward you and He will come to your defense. And may we all remember what it says in
St. John15:12&13 This is my commandment that you love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
I hope one day I get the opportunity to see that young man, so that I can tell him how sorry I am. If you are guilty of bullying as I once was, I pray this makes you realize that your actions are no small thing and that it really is a sign of a deep seeded problem within you as it was in me. And those of you who have been bullied as I once was, forgive them. Forgiveness is for YOU, for not being able to forgive only hurts YOU! When you forgive it releases YOU to live a fulfilled and content life. It loosens YOU to receive all that God has to offer YOU. I encourage all to quit focusing on the exterior and look at the interior of a person. I like M.L.King have a dream also, that one day we will not look at the color of ones skin or their appearance, but rather become aware of the importance of the content of their character. For that truly IS what matters!!
Friday, March 30, 2012
Just As I Am
I'm sitting here thinking about when I began writing my blogs, how scared I was that no one would understand and yes...I even thought some of you would think I of was attention seeking! Now I realize it has become a necessity!! I don't know how I kept all this in for so many years. Here I am, a grown woman and in some aspects still a small child. I think about the really important things that were back in my life and wish I had a do over. Then I suddenly realize that if maybe, just maybe I had never been abused I would have done a lot of things different. I've said it once and I'll say it again, people say you should never have regrets. I say to myself, "how can I NOT have regrets?" Did I want someone to abuse me? Absolutely not! So yes, I regret all of this stuff that has happened to me!! However, I know God will work it all toward the good for me and for you.
I wonder about abusers? What makes a man/woman think of a child so sexually? I know all the reasons given for such behavior, but still, being the victim and knowing how a victim feels, I still have to wonder! How do they justify their actions? Even physical abuse, a man shakes his six weeks old baby girl until her brain is damaged!!!! I use to care for people whom had grown and were adults, but had no great quality of life because of actions such as shaking, and throwing them against a wall. I look at my soon to be two month old grandson and think...how can someone do such a thing? My heart cries out for that child and more like them. It happens often you know?
I'll be fifty six soon and I confess that I live on red alert for my grandchildren. The parents get mad because I make comments concerning their safety, but I can't help it. I know they are being well watched, but still I can't help it! I don't mean to insult their abilities as a mother, I simply can't help it!! The thought of one of my grandchildren ever going through what I have, sickens me to the core. The thought of my children being assaulted sickens me to the core. I don't want one more child to EVER feel the way I've felt all these years. But that's unrealistic I know!
I ponder on my Heavenly Father. He knows all things before it happens, why did it ever have to happen? I know the answers to those questions, you see I have the head knowledge, but I still don't have the heart knowledge. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame God. I know why humans have a sinful nature. Not every wrong thing I did can I completely blame on the abuse. I also had choices that I hold myself accountable for, some decisions I made out of PRIDE! It does say "Pride goth before the fall". Well that's certainly the truth.
Oh I could on and on and on and ON, but there is no need for it anymore. I've come into a happier place. I'm understanding that you don't always have to be perfect to be accepted. I'm slowly but surely understanding the acceptance of self. That's a victory, REALLY it is! The family and friends I love don't profess to be perfect and I love them JUST the way they are. They may make me mad, but still I love them. I truly care for the well being. And as for myself? It is what it is, plain and simply. Sometimes life throws you some lemons....bad lemons. However, one can choose to either just sit there and let them rot, of make some good old lemonade. I'm ready for the lemonade!
I'm not saying that every once in awhile I won't have a difficult day, but I feel like I'm on the mend. And I encourage YOU the reader, if you're at the end of yourself, and you know what I mean. Please, comment to me, I'll return your questions or testimonies with a comment. I know how important it is sometimes to vent. VENT to me, I'm here. Nope, I do not have a P.H.D., so I don't know all the answers, but I can listen and tell you how I feel. I want to be the listening ear I never had. Anonymous is fine, we're all just faces in a world full of danger.
I'm going to try and be more upbeat with my blogs. So if you begin to notice that I'm not just focusing on abuse, rejection, etc. it's because I'm learning to accept me. The good, the bad, the ugly...me! However, I do have a weapon on my side and He is Jesus. Those of you who do not know Him, you really should give HIM a try, you won't be disappointed. Not in Jesus, In humans YES, but not Jesus. Those of you whom are Christians, we all need to have a more intimate relationship with Him. I've noticed that since writing these blogs and sharing my love for Jesus, I've started to change inside. Will the wounds always be there? Only time will tell, after all this is new for me. I've never experienced this kind of acceptance towards myself. One thing I do know, I always have Jesus, maybe not as close as He would have liked me to be YET, but He has always waited for me. HE'S waiting for YOU too.
Yes, I believe I'm beginning to reclaim my life. I'm not stupid enough not to know there is still a hill to climb, but at least I'm climbing. I'm now moving forward instead of backwards. I may stumble, but I know I'm capable of getting up, brushing myself off and starting all over again. And I give God the glory. Just as I am, I come but not alone, with Jesus.
I wonder about abusers? What makes a man/woman think of a child so sexually? I know all the reasons given for such behavior, but still, being the victim and knowing how a victim feels, I still have to wonder! How do they justify their actions? Even physical abuse, a man shakes his six weeks old baby girl until her brain is damaged!!!! I use to care for people whom had grown and were adults, but had no great quality of life because of actions such as shaking, and throwing them against a wall. I look at my soon to be two month old grandson and think...how can someone do such a thing? My heart cries out for that child and more like them. It happens often you know?
I'll be fifty six soon and I confess that I live on red alert for my grandchildren. The parents get mad because I make comments concerning their safety, but I can't help it. I know they are being well watched, but still I can't help it! I don't mean to insult their abilities as a mother, I simply can't help it!! The thought of one of my grandchildren ever going through what I have, sickens me to the core. The thought of my children being assaulted sickens me to the core. I don't want one more child to EVER feel the way I've felt all these years. But that's unrealistic I know!
I ponder on my Heavenly Father. He knows all things before it happens, why did it ever have to happen? I know the answers to those questions, you see I have the head knowledge, but I still don't have the heart knowledge. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame God. I know why humans have a sinful nature. Not every wrong thing I did can I completely blame on the abuse. I also had choices that I hold myself accountable for, some decisions I made out of PRIDE! It does say "Pride goth before the fall". Well that's certainly the truth.
Oh I could on and on and on and ON, but there is no need for it anymore. I've come into a happier place. I'm understanding that you don't always have to be perfect to be accepted. I'm slowly but surely understanding the acceptance of self. That's a victory, REALLY it is! The family and friends I love don't profess to be perfect and I love them JUST the way they are. They may make me mad, but still I love them. I truly care for the well being. And as for myself? It is what it is, plain and simply. Sometimes life throws you some lemons....bad lemons. However, one can choose to either just sit there and let them rot, of make some good old lemonade. I'm ready for the lemonade!
I'm not saying that every once in awhile I won't have a difficult day, but I feel like I'm on the mend. And I encourage YOU the reader, if you're at the end of yourself, and you know what I mean. Please, comment to me, I'll return your questions or testimonies with a comment. I know how important it is sometimes to vent. VENT to me, I'm here. Nope, I do not have a P.H.D., so I don't know all the answers, but I can listen and tell you how I feel. I want to be the listening ear I never had. Anonymous is fine, we're all just faces in a world full of danger.
I'm going to try and be more upbeat with my blogs. So if you begin to notice that I'm not just focusing on abuse, rejection, etc. it's because I'm learning to accept me. The good, the bad, the ugly...me! However, I do have a weapon on my side and He is Jesus. Those of you who do not know Him, you really should give HIM a try, you won't be disappointed. Not in Jesus, In humans YES, but not Jesus. Those of you whom are Christians, we all need to have a more intimate relationship with Him. I've noticed that since writing these blogs and sharing my love for Jesus, I've started to change inside. Will the wounds always be there? Only time will tell, after all this is new for me. I've never experienced this kind of acceptance towards myself. One thing I do know, I always have Jesus, maybe not as close as He would have liked me to be YET, but He has always waited for me. HE'S waiting for YOU too.
Yes, I believe I'm beginning to reclaim my life. I'm not stupid enough not to know there is still a hill to climb, but at least I'm climbing. I'm now moving forward instead of backwards. I may stumble, but I know I'm capable of getting up, brushing myself off and starting all over again. And I give God the glory. Just as I am, I come but not alone, with Jesus.
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